A new order?

At work, 20:30

I broke up with Pietro, the bloke I had been dating for three months.

For some strange reason, which I’m still trying to grasp, I feel bad. And guilty.

As soon as I arrived at work, I marched in tears to the loo under bewildered looks from my staff. Yes, because us women suffer not only when we get dumped, but also when we do the dumping. After spending half an hour sat on the toilet blowing my nose, I was ready to work, but I kept my sunglasses on. Customers stared at me as if I had just escaped a mental hospital: a night-pub owner with sunglasses on.

What doesn’t help at all is that people who know us both, the ones who come to the pub on a daily basis, keep on asking: “Where is Pietro? Are you all set for your vacation in Naples?”.

Help!

But I do know, it was the right decision.

(Oh my God, did I make the right decision?)

Yes, it was the right thing to do.

Now, I’ve got a new life ahead, the life of a single, informed, knowledgeable, free, independent and culturally-gifted woman.

Single, again.

Enough with all those trivial, karma-diverting distractions such as tobacco, alcohol, sex and men.

I will be alone in the most positive meaning of the term, a lone woman entirely focused on her own interests and passions, literally focused, as in a permanent meditation.

LIST OF INTERESTS AND PASSIONS

WORKING OUT: I will pursue a considerable weekly mileage through running and cycling, good lung capacity, encouraging muscle tone, silky skin, a rational relationship with food and total ban on tobacco

READING: I will read. I mean, multifaceted, engaging and stimulating reads.

TRAVELLING: depending on the money situation. Destinations? Greece, Formentera, Arizona, France and Ireland (hosted by anglers, like I read on ‘The Independent Female’)

MUSIC: obviously, I can’t live without it (that means downloading a lot of stuff)

CINEMA: every Monday night, when the pub is closed

…and, more in general, everything I feel like doing. Which means doing nothing that goes against my personality, personal belief, intuition or doing something just because everyone else is doing it. By no means will I give up nurturing my persona for the sake of someone else, be they friend, boyfriend, toy-boy or one-night stand.

I mean, I have balls. I want to experiment with my strength, my energy, become a real W-O-M-A-N. And this is why I had to end my relationship with Pietro, a wrong relationship, which, okay, gave me some moments of joy but also sucked a lot of energy from me. Energy that, at the moment, I mean to utilise for myself only.

There’s no space for love, now.

When the moment will come for me to have a man by my side, I want to be that confident, self-aware woman, who literally OWNS her own life. But now there’s only me.

I’m not selfish.

I’m just egocentric.

And, above all, I am determined. I know my own s*it.

                

So, let’s talk about tomorrow, the dawn of my new life.

I will wake up at 10:30. No, let’s make it 11:00 (after all, I’m a night-worker).

I will have breakfast in the garden. Or maybe in the kitchen, too much hassle to carry all the stuff outdoors.

I will go to the Post Office to pay the car’s loan instalment.

Or maybe I’ll go shopping for groceries?

Or maybe jogging? No, too much stress early in the morning.

Hmm. Maybe I need to reset my priorities.

Now that I think about it, I completely forgot to buy my favourite blueberry tarts and tampons.

Oh well.

2:00 am

Humphh, I’d like to go home, but the last customers don’t seem to budge. Oh God, the song that reminds me of Pietro. I wonder whether I’ll see him tomorrow. Will he continue to come to the pub now that we’re not together anymore?

Before going to bed, I might do my nails. But which colour?

2:45 am, at home

I’m too tired to apply nail varnish. And I’m a bit peckish; I think I’m going to eat some courgettes in a hot-dog bun.

4:00 am, in bed

I’m thinking about him. I miss him.

4:01 am

The thing is, I care about him.

4:02 am

He really is good-looking.

4:03 am

I bet so many b*tches will be so happy when the rumour spreads in town that we split up. Grrr.